day one
four oclock. to be exact. its funny how life changed so fast in such a short amount of time. people who meant everything to me now mean nothing. and people who i use to hate now mean everything to me. i wish i lived in the world of equalibrium. no emotions. maybe if you took out the feeling aspect of everything, things would be more logical. then i could logically face this trial of quitting head on and just be done with it all. isnt it funny when a person becomes afraid of leaving their own house because they do not want to be tempted anymore. ironic how your body becomes your own jail cell; but you can never escape your own self inflicted pain. today so far is not that bad…. i feel a slight pull in the wrong way and i can feel my mind self rationalizing the need to use but as for right now i have not failed. however, night time is the true test.
why did you do this to me.
its it possible.? a love so pure that it makes me want to stand on the tables and scream with joy? something that is not contaminated with cheating lies drugs sex and hate. Nothing hidden. purity just plain purity. something so sweet that it makes everything seem more vibrant. something that just makes me feel alive. that brings out the very definition of living, in its fullest form. something that would not be done justice if described as a high or if compared to anything of such nature. security beyond all belief. the reinvention of the word “beauty”. restoring my innocence. being able think about a simple smile and feel contentedness incomparable, sealing every crack that i have in my soul. acceptance with no failing facades. the depths of me dredged up and brought to the light with no shame. this seems impossible. but the knowledge of its possibility keeps me going. everyday i await for the moment when my heart sighs and its cries are silenced. you may call me stupid for being so vulnerable. but i digress, i am a true believer of love and will forever stay this way.
What you need to know about me is that im not a princess type of chick, money and threads mean nothing to me. I wont ask you to buy me anything, just the way i am. You gotta be willing to put in the time and effort and everything will be hella fucking G. :D
Mistakes wont define who i am. I admit i fucked up my fair share, but im not a fuck up. Hate me, hurt me, break me, i wont distergrate.
Perfection scares me more then anything.
I pride myself in hateing no one.
There are things better then fame, money, and false friendships.
my first tattoo <3
… and tattoos.. my second set of ink
i<3 piercings
best shut down ever.
“omfg that girl is so fucking ugly”
“where which one?”
“that ugly fat bitch that looks like she just got hit by a car”
“you mean the one that looks like you?”
:D
we live in a world that glorifies sin,
where everyone is desperately looking for that fix,
regardless if morally corrupt or righteous,
something pleasurable.
our definition,
blindly running toward happiness.
sporadically,
uncertainly,
where is the simple and set out road?
its fleeting presence,
so sweet while in its embrace,
horridly cold while left it in its memories.
Happiness, dear, just hold me here.
